In Another Life...

I went by my full name.

Of recent I've cut it, re-arrainged the letters and come up with something short and Anglo-ish. Not that I really care what people think of my name, but the whole "what's your Christain name" routine is kinda getting old. So what if I dont have one? Why is it Third World Countires are so taken up with impersonating First World Countires? I dont see them desperately trying to fix names of Afro-origin to their identities...whats the big deal?

I did not want.

These days its more like I desire! Not that I dont get enough as it is, and dont get me wrong, I am greatful for everything I already have, but why is it that ever since The Big Move I find myself sitting down with authorities and engaging in lengthy disscussions concerning my finacial allowences, my liberties, my appearance and even forms of punishment...??? And while I steadily fight for what I know I have a right to, people around look on and whisper

she is such a spoilt child!

how can she question her parents!

eh! they really raised her badly!

They should have put it in mind when raising me, that a child who is taught fairness, equality and freedom of expression will certainly not compromise herself for the sake of fitting in. There is no way she could possibly change and reformate her Life's priorities for the sake of others!!
I was not raised like any Church Mouse, I am certainly not about to pretend I was just because other families are.

I never doubted myself.

I knew exactly what I wanted from life, how the hell I was going to get it and I had the most important weapon in my pocket

People who beleived in me.

Nine years later, I have stumbled upon the thought that I really did not know what I wanted in the first place. Whereas any interest I had when I was young was immediately implimented, be it Karate, Gymnastics or Marine Life- the social circles I live in now are so rigid, exploration and discovery are hard things to come by. Now, bound within the lines of four or five proffessions I was clearly not made for, I find myself asking...Where do I fall?

I did not resent my origin.

I flaunted it, bragged about it and tried to find out as much as I possibly could in a world where very little is known. I kept diaries and photos, self-taught myself words and looked forward to visits. I guess this world wasn't too eager to about me. I find it hard to sympathsize and work for a world that dwells in self-pity and disciminates against those trying to embrace what should be theirs too. After taking a visit to my Host Country, I've come to notice that I am infact more of what they are than of what the people here are. Its a pity that when an indiviual is struggling to identify with a group, their Host is usually more favourable than their Origin.

I would never have written something like this.

Simply because I would not have the reason or neccesity to. In the midst of a life so balanced, with all aspects taken care of and nix cracks of nothingness, confusion and worthlessness I could never have come up with this.

I would never have been sentient.

I never would have been blessed to have the knowledge of both worlds. Over the years I have mixed, matched and struck a balance between the two and emerged as a being unlike any other. I wouldn't trade that for the anything.