I Almost Forgot

Can somebody explain to me why people I least expect appreciate and applaud my gift as a whole set of special talents? Why, if you so dare to explain, do the rest of you reduce it to a 'thing' that you think you can easily acquire? Do you actually think that if only you keep tearing off pieces of me to invest well, you'll one day outrank me?

I'm thankful to all the individuals who respect my Naliness, and in turn I respect their themness.

What I am not thankful for are the people around me who, as I have painfully come to understand, lack the unique component that makes one person different from the next: respect. I read somewhere that similar to how language influences perception, different ideas of uniqueness are defined by different ways of thinking especially in areas of creativity and problem solving. How can anyone expect to understand the mechanics of being special if they don't even have the basic acknowledgement of another person's gift?

I don't understand how anyone could actually think they're one step ahead of somebody else after plagiarising their efforts. I think that we all eventually must learn how to understand, appreciate and preserve another person's 'intellectual diversity' as they we do our own, period. Only then, can any of us be in the proper mind set to embrace the concept of uniqueness as a result of the different ways in which we are all taught to think.

How is any of this relevant? Well, I can tell you for one, failure to adjust in another setting or teaching environment as well as lacking the skills to help you fit in is as of a direct result of your own intellectual ignorance. You make your bed, my sister, you lay in it- would you really want to be in a bed no one else would want to make?

Trick question there people!

In the whole time I spent running around trying to dish out bits and pieces of my intellectual strength, I almost forgot about my gift that was realised earlier on in life. A set of talents so embedded in my personality, what would I be without them?

I almost forgot about the sudden rush I get just writing something and having someone else read it and feel the emotion I was intending for. Being able to manipulate the use of words does not come by accident folks.

I almost forgot how empathetic I am, how deeply rooted in other people's lives and emotions I am. Who else could tell theri story wih as much passion and fire as I can? Its no mistake I'm open to their channels of feeling. No mistake at all!

I almost forgot how much I loved to read and learn new things faster and more broadly then my peers. It makes me giggle just thinking about it, more like a game to me than a competition. Storing facts, useful and not alike comes with ease. If you have space on your hard drive, why keep it empty? I say fill it up!

And all along this blog started out like an experiment. I read back through the posts and I can't help but smile- its just me and my confused self expressing my talent with a corky, twisted sense of sarcasm and humour for the world to read. I sometimes wonder...

How could I almost forget the skeleton of my personality?

Unveiled

After almost seven years you have finally proven to me that you cannot and will never be able to think beyond the capacity of your own selfish needs. Its a pity for someone to be so stuck in her own rotten shell that even when she gets to that point of recovery she is to engulfed in her own stupidity to realise that enough is enough.

How could I have been blinded from you faults for so long? Issue after issue, day after day, year by year; you have done nothing but sit there continuously pile up you demands, hate the world for reasons best known to you and tightly wind up your web of woe as you hungrily wait for the next sympathetic snack to suck the life out of.

You suck and you drain and get another loving human being so repelled from you ways that they throw up any sort of friendship you might have had or were about to receive, like hard liquor drunk to fast by an inexperienced drinker. I used to feel empathy for you, I took so long and made so many excuses for you awkward ways before I stood back and said: "Hey! I think this Bitch deserves whats is actually coming to her."

And now that I have, I see nothing but a selfish opportunistic spoilt brat who goes around making everybody pay for the own misery she holds in her cold heart. Instead of dealing with the root of the problem, you just had to push me to the max and as a result you lost one of the best-est best friends you could have ever had in your whole entire life time.
I sure hope it was worth it...

REMIX: You are...

A Darling: the dearest of the dear; a dangerous edge to you has rocked my senses and rooted itself in my heart. You are a delight to be with, your every word leaves me delirious with excitement.

So Energetic: Your funny and easy to be with; you have me ecstatic whenever you are around. Hanging with you is a total high, a joy ride I don't want to get off of. An 'each' in 'they': an individual amongst a crowd.

A Narcotic: I cant get enough of your never ending happy-go-lucky streak of happiness that you ooze. Your subtle naughty ways have me in check...I'll definitely be around for a while, kuz like a drug...I'm helplessly hooked to your height.

So Irresistable: I cant spend a day without hearing from you. I dread the thought of you ever leaving me whether for school, or a holiday...even a work assignment. Hugging you is something I do against my will sometimes, I'm just drawn o you by some other kind of force that I just don't understand.

Sssseexxxyyy: In a sensual and seductive way, you take your time to get thin gs done with me. Its like me and you matter at that moment and no amount of crisis is going to rush you into getting done with me. Your sensuality becomes you and your personality.

I am truly amazed.

Whats the word...

Confused of whether your feelings for me are similar to mine for you- I spend most of my days and nights puzzled and constantly remembering the short time we shared together. It almost feels like if I keep remembering those times, detail for detail I will come to re-live them once again.

Scribbling frantically every second chance I get- I try and turn my thoughts into words, and then turn those words into soulful sentences that could possibly put into meaning the feelings I hold inside this heart of mine. As if putting the words together to form the sentences will somehow verify our reality.

Scared to admit that I may in fact be wrong about this whole thing that we have going on- I like to think this is mutual and that where ever you are, you're thinking about me just as much as I do you. To tell myself I am wrong seems almost as real as telling myself that 'we' doesn't exist. Its just not acceptable.

Eager to see you come back home to me again, I keep telling myself that they days will roll by quickly enough to spare us the pain of delaying what we are about to experience. In the mean time, I need to get my affairs in order and figure out how to deal with whatever situation lies ahead: good or bad.

I write this in one of my lonely moments, just before I say a prayer and go to bed.


"Dear God,
This is my solemn prayer to You: guide me through these emotions, help me sort fear from confidence and let me blossom in Your Light so that I have the courage and strength to love so purely again; a pure, unconditional, innocent and genuine love that I can shower on him for he does not deserve to be punished for the sins committed by the last.
Amen"

Lock and Key

I don't know how to put it into words,
Its in the way God created the sky and the birds
A skillful Artist carving out his Masterpiece;

I feel the same anticipation in my knees
Its the kinda risk the sky makes to meet the lake
That is similar to the one I'm willing to take

The phrase 'I love you' can't sum it all up
For my feelings have long spilled over my Emotions Cup
I guess what I am trying to say:

You mean the world to me
And if my heart had a lock...
You now have the key

Case of The Bitter Ex.

My Dearest Readers,

It has been a while since I last wrote to you all, largely due to the fact that I was and still am away on vacation in the lovely Tanzania. Packing my suitcase for a two week adventure and saying goodbye to my loved ones was what I had in mind...little did I know what was in store for me. Not a week has gone by with out the ghastly Softspot sending me one obnoxious message after another, calling me pungent and the likes. I beg the world, answer me this:- am I truly the one bitter and in desperate need that we get back or is it he?
I’d like to present my case to you all, please judge and respond accordingly.

I’ll first call to the stand the endless messages that this boy-man will not stop sending me. Be it about a stupid photograph or in the name of his (suddenly close) relative who he feels he must vouch for my attention...this bugger will not let me be. Should I reply his insulting text messages, he will embark on taking me round and round on a trip that I shall not entertain anymore. Scolding me harshly, telling me to shut up and loose weight among other things have become is favorite basis for abuse. Advising me to take a second look in the mirror at my ‘ugly’ self...insisting that what he heard about my ‘money’ is not entirely true. If he had known earlier (I recently found out) then he wouldn’t have bothered, implying my amount in shillings or dollars or whatever currency he chooses to count in is purely not good enough for him.

Please Note: I haven’t complained to him about him not being able to give me anything for the whole seven or eight months that we had been together other than a shriveled up onion and a couple badly bruised tomatoes that surely could not have cost the cheap son-of-a-bitch more than 300/= (and to the rest of you, that’s less than $1) not to mention the whole idea of him having borrowed quite a sum of money from me before we even started dating...tsk tsk

I must say, dear Jury of the Court, he is not only rude, but seriously out of line to be coming at me from that angle of argument. Is it because he thinks he has a face of gold? I will not lie, it is cute at first glance but surly after a week of looking at that expressionless face with protruding dumb-sized ears; one does get tired of its features. So shall I conclude that this phoney-balony expects the fairer sex to pay for the rest of his life for what he holds as undying beauty? He doesn’t age for one, that I’ll hand it to him, but surely its not only demeaning, but largely embarrassing for a boy-man of 27 or 28 (he never is quite sure about his date of birth) who recently completed what was remaining of his pitiable education at a fairly dysfunctional university (at a fairly old age, might I add) under the roof of his parents; to be taken care of by a girl of 22, still in school, without a definite field of work and under her parents care. Its appalling, what is this world coming to?

Next, I’ll proceed onto bringing into the court for analysis the endless phone calls that all end with me hanging up on his gruff, commanding voice. I implore the audience, isn’t it that once a relationship is terminated, any kind of affiliation and superiority between the two that were once held are all completely destroyed once an agreement is met? I should think so, but it’s not like this for that sucker. Should he call me, he shall bark into the phone on the other line a rude question pondering whether I got his messages or not. No greeting, not salutation, nothing. A rude to-the-point question as though I should still know what it is of his I have, where it is and what his voice sounds like over the phone. I at times think he decides to take his fury out on me when he is pissed with alcohol or just plain bored. The world that has known me for quite some time all agrees that he has failed to ‘get over’ me as such, probably because now the little dim-wit has realized the diamond he once possessed in his power which he decided to thrown to the lions. I’m afraid, I am not that tolerant and I was built to withstand break ups. I do believe that it is he, who is having a problem letting it go, for it’s been almost a month and a week but the bugger will not let another day go by without uttering a word.

This all is very disturbing because I have indeed moved on and I’m currently in deep relations with another. I wouldn’t want to spoil something that has been soooo lovely to experience merely due to this old Ex and his failure to move on. I wonder, what is a girl to do in this situation? Surely his pre-mature boy-man mind must tell him that we have surpassed all stages of reconciliation? That abuse and threats shall not stop me from continuing my life, just as before.

Please Note: I haven not sent in troops to beat the poor old geezer into a coma, nor have I made his name soiled in town. I informed those dear to me and fled the country for fear of the twit actually making his last threat while I was on Ugandan soil true: that he should find me in a bar some night and haul a beer bottle to my head.

I would like to rest my case by pointing out the fact that (in his words) I am “the weak and pathetic one” who “desperately needed” the other night and day. Who could ever blame a girl for showing her man her unconditional love? It didn’t matter whether he pissed-drank himself into a drunken stooper of alcoholic arrogance, lay around the home all day
(smoking up a storm and reading my diaries) waiting on his housemaid of a girlfriend to come back in between classes to prepare his midday meal or simply comply to his sexual needs. See, the beauty of being young and naive?

I’ll tell you what being weak is: its not being able to even attempt to look after your very young, pretty and ambitious girlfriend who took you in full knowing that her family tree could outrun yours three times over with both their academic gene, natural born intelligence and wealth from just one generation.

As for being pathetic, being pathetic is: not knowing where you are headed to after university while full knowing that you haven’t passed your degree highly; quitting the only job that could have given you some back ground all in the name of other people being promoted apart from you (gee, I wonder why...duh! your academics sucked); and stringing on your girlfriend to believe you just aren’t trying hard enough to look for a job when in fact the point is you have no qualifications for a job in the competitive market...instead you rely on HER MOTHER getting you a job (the one you currently have, if you haven’t been fired already)

Desperately needing the other, that is: absolute bullshit! In reality I didn’t need another burden to carry when in fact I was already juggling school, two certificates, three jobs and a truck load of friends. I was a miracle waiting to happen to the bum:- an unending source of cash, a punching bag when the need arise, pleasuring tool, maid, advisor, mother, comforter and friend all wrapped up in one. I took over and fit into every aspect of that suckers life, without me he could have never accomplished all that he had set out to. So you decide, who is more desperate?

In a nutshell, I will not accept, and beseech the Jury to side with me, to be continuously treated as though that was my normal nature and that anybody can get away with ordering me around like a solider, being insulted like a black south African in the early 90’s by a white south African or simply being contacted like I want to have anything to do with him, and like nothing ever went wrong between us.

Jury of this court, I would like to sign out with this simple question: If it were you, what would you do?

Thank you all for your time. I rest my case.

Sincerely,

Naughty Nali

A Poem for Lovers

I woke up early this morning,
Neatly tucked in the embrace of my King.

With an arm draped across my sholders,
And my hair neatly done up in rollers

As I quietly listened to the soft purr of his snore,
The one that only time could make me adore

I tahnaked God for this blessing,
That was alying next to me resting.