R.I.P Philip 'Pip' Tendo

Dear Pip,

I cant believe your gone.

Seriously, I just saw you about two weeks ago and suddenly I get a call Sunday Morning and they can't find you anywhere! I'm in between shocked and denial, don't want to let my heart give up on you too fast, but I know it was always your wish that we live on, move on, go on like always.

It would be selfish of me to think that I'm the only one deeply hurt, your best friend, my best friend...the rest of the Kaaplae and Kataaza Crew is hurting too...but what about your siblings? I know they feel lost in all this, your young wife- your whole life that was going to fold ahead of you...its all come to an end. A sad and early end that's left the rest of us still here on earth unsatisfied and full of sorrow.

Pip, can you see us from where you are? Can you read our thoughts and understand how much we miss you? Its barely been 48 hours but our lives are all messed up. Search parties are out on the lake, everyone is aware. The news spread so fast.

I'm scared of funerals, you know that. I may not be able to muster up the courage to cry in front of all those people, but that don't mean that I'm not torn up inside...you were my brother- unlike the others we had a seriously special bond. I took your word for everything, and you took mine. We understood eachother, filled in for others and comforted ourselves in our own special way.

First you moved to South Africa and our connection was temporally lost. But you called me, kept in touch with me and always seemed to pop up at the right times. Your arrival home was the best thing I had heard in weeks. Just after a horrible relationship, having you in the country was really God sent.

I wish I hadn't begged you to come home. I wish I would have called you the day before and asked you not to go. I wish we had caught up. I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish this could be undone. I wish there was a way. A way to reverse all this.

Why Pip? Why now? Why soooo young?

Its not fair, you life was just opening up. But I have nobody to blame but fate. Fate did this. Its all her fault. But I know you're in a better place. I know you're watching over us. I know, I know, I know you never would have wanted me or anyone else to mope about.

I promise I'll carry on your name. I wont let this all disappear. I will always love you, you're family to me and I won't, I repeat I wont let you go in vain. I'll try my best to pitch in where I can, I want to meet your siblings and share their loss. I will take care of your wife, comfort her and be there always. I'll keep the Kaapale name going strong, despite the fact that you're gone- I wont let you spirit die.

I will wait for you in my dreams to talk to me. I will look forward to seeking out signs that you're around. I will always keep you in my prayers. I will continue to move forward. Won't be weak, I wont. I will stay strong, and help those who need it.

Above everything, I will miss you.

As we always used to say- nkwagala,

-Baby Kaapale-

The Remaindants of What was...

We all know the story goes:

Girl meets boy (or the other way around), they have sex (one way or the other), and break up once their full of each other’s extra stuff that they didn’t know existed before they got themselves in that rut. Girl usually cries and boy goes binge drinking with his friends…but sometimes they both go binge drinking- okay most times. That’s basically it.

Well, last night as I lay in my bed struggling to get a drop of sand from the almost empty sand bag the sleeping man held- I begun to think of the last seven months that I seemed to have been in hibernation for.

I’m not going to take you through the whole hallo-ballu of what really went down, that may be far to boring for the few of you, and really horrific for the majority. No, I won’t sing that song. Not today, not tomorrow- sorry Softspot, don’t think I have what it takes to give you that kind of reception.

Rather, I’d like today’s blog entry to be full of the things I learnt from hands on experience. Ready? Here we go….

Be selfish: because if you don’t care about yourself, it’s only a matter of time before he stops caring about you so you might as well keep that little vice by your side, least you loose him, yourself and all your friends in one go. Besides, I dont care what the world says...NOBODY and I mean NOBODY can care about you the way you can.

Don’t expect much: Softspot once told me that he doesn’t expect much from relationships (ALARM PLEASE) and maybe he had a point. I mean I spent all this time expecting just the basics out of the nigger and he couldn’t even make that bar!

Get what you want and Get Out: Guys do it, when we do it we are labeled sluts. Trust me, I would much rather go back to being labeled that than the perfect one and have all my feelings slapped back in my face in a matter of days with no where to turn to and part of me missing.

Money Is Evil: It makes guys feel inferior and girls feel like mothers. I’m only 22 for God’s sake, I dint sign up for a son older than me, a bunch of over due bills and pocket open to my ‘son’ and all his fantasy desires.

PLEASE NOTE: I called them fantasy desires and not needs because that’s what they were. Things he’s always dreamed of doing, of eating, of having but just couldn’t get- until I came along of course.

Never change yourself: Isn’t it funny how when a guy met you, he was instantly attracted to your snobbish manner, your elevated class, your vigorous partying habits? And then when they ‘wife’ you, it’s all out the door in a matter of seconds. No more mini skirts, exotic underwear (unless he permits it), partying out on end…none of that.

Its dishes, cooking, movies (you’re not even interested in), cleaning and endless chatting over the phone. Then, out of the blue it’s “you don’t look so attractive” to him anymore because he’s lost interest in your wifey manner. He wants, sassy, sexy, hot, and unpredictable. Not the usual fights you have, the everyday responsibility or having to check up on you. He wants the challenge- and you’re not it anymore.

Lie a little: Its not like you’ll get caught and he’s probably lying to you anyhow, even though he claims that honesty is the major foundation of this relationship you’re in.

Always have an ‘I’ in the relationship: Giving it all up to fast and making everything ‘we’ is totally not the way to go. Our allowance (which is actually yours), our room (in your hostel), our preferences (that are usually he-dominated) just give him a better chance at governing your life and you at forgetting and loosing yourself in his. That’s never been good. Because when its all over, he walks off with himself in tact, no sob, no sigh, no reminiscence of you or the things you used to do (because you did what he liked) and you get loaded with it.

Don’t Stop Fishing: There are really so many fish out there in the see, and when your hook is well baited and you have soo many kinds of fish fighting for that one piece of bait, be sure to sprinkle enough appetizer around for all. Just to keep them around the pool you’re in until you feel ready to catch another one.

Don’t be gullible: It only translates into stupidity anyways. Let your mind run free, doesn’t matter how insane an idea might sound like, have it at the back of your mind so when it becomes a reality, you’re not wishing you had listened to your gut feeling in the beginning.

Lastly, be kind: At the end of the day, it’s his loss not yours. You will go on to find people who deserve your time and he will continue to walk through the world another piece of worthless scum. And at night when you feel bad because you believe you wasted all that time on a good for nothing twit, have comfort in knowing that he actually does miss your specialty, fried spaghetti; and that he wishes you could invite him over once more to spoil him some more, bail him out of a fix, listen to him rant and rave, and most of all- exist as living proof that to you he was the greatest.

So with those words of...words of what are they? Whatever they are anyways, swallow as much as you can and refer to this page whenever you're in need of some consolidation. It cant be that bad after all.

From the Royal Queen of Naughtiness herself,

Nali...ehem...NOT Nailey

Dear Friends,

Its been a while, seven months in fact. I've thrown out my big crowd, settled in for a lesser one and kept to myself all this while even when you were all desperately tying to reach out to me. I'm sorry.
I dint know how I ever could have thought that being in a relationship...a 'serious' relations...made people change the way I did. I thought I was doing it for the better, I obviously was doing it for the worse.
I hurt a lot of the people who made me who I am today, I dint listen to their words of caution and ended up spending most of those seven months crying in the privacy of my bedroom. I dint have anybody to tun to. And when he started treating me like shit, I sincerely felt this was what I deserved for not holding on to my friendships a little tighter.
I know, obviously, I wont get them all back...the friendships I cherish sooo deeply, but I beg you all to reconsider. I was merely side-tracked, a lesson well learnt but I had to go through this. Its honestly made me a better person as a whole...given me time to slow down and seriously think about what I want in life.
One thing is for sure. I want my friends back, and I wouldn't go through with all of this again- even if he was the last dick standing on earth.